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The Secret to Stress-Free Leadership: Let it Pass Through You


May 25, 2025 | Read online

The Secret to Stress-Free Leadership: Let it Pass Through You

by Kevin 'KD' Dorsey

Y'all know that stress is like a shadow that follows every leader, especially in the high-stakes world of sales. Conventional wisdom tells us to shield our teams from this shadow, but what if I told you that trying to block it out entirely is not just futile, but counterproductive?

As someone who’s spent years mentoring and coaching sales teams, I’ve learned that the real secret to effective leadership isn’t about absorbing all the stress yourself or passing it onto your team—it’s about letting it pass through you. This might sound counterintuitive, but embracing stress and allowing it to flow through you, rather than bottling it up or deflecting it, can transform your leadership approach and make you a more present, creative, and empathetic leader. Let me explain why.

With years of experience as a sales leader, I’ve seen firsthand the unique stresses and demands that come with the territory. Early on, I had a mentor tell me about the need to “lead thyself” before effectively leading others. This lesson has always really stuck with me, shaping my understanding of how stress, energy levels, and self-care practices directly impact a leader’s ability to be present and effective for their team.

Shielding Teams from Stress is Impossible

No matter how hard leaders try, some level of stress will always trickle down to the team. Attempting to insulate teams completely creates an artificial environment disconnected from reality. Teams can sense when leaders are stressed, even if they try to hide it. It’s like trying to hold back a flood with a paper dam—eventually, the water will find its way through.

When leaders attempt to shield their teams from all stress, they inadvertently create a bubble that doesn’t prepare the team for real-world challenges. This artificial environment can lead to a lack of resilience and an inability to handle pressure when it inevitably arises. The truth is, stress is a part of life, and pretending otherwise does a disservice to everyone involved.

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Absorbing All Stress Yourself is Unhealthy

On the flip side, leaders who try to shoulder all the burden themselves risk burnout. According to a 2023 Harvard Business Review study, 53% of managers report feeling burned out, and 60% feel used up at the end of the day (Vantage Circle, 2023). Bottling up stress leads to poor decision-making and strained relationships. An overstressed leader cannot be an effective source of calm for the team.

When you internalize all the stress, it starts to weigh you down. You might think you’re protecting your team, but in reality, you’re setting yourself up for failure. The stress accumulates, leading to burnout and making it impossible to lead effectively. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and if you’re constantly drained, you won’t have the energy or clarity to guide your team through challenges.

There’s a really big problem with martyrdom.

And I know a lot of leaders, myself included, especially early on, fell into this bucket where we are just killing ourselves for our people. But martyring yourself makes for a great story, right? Rarely does it actually help people achieve what you want to help them achieve. That’s the thing - you are now dead. There’s nothing left.

The Healthier Approach is to Let Stress Pass Through

So, what’s the solution? The key is to let the stress and pressure pass through you. When it comes in, you have to recognize it and then let it go. It’s when we hold onto that stress and personalize it—“This is all my fault, I’m not doing enough, I’m letting my team down”—that’s when it really starts to add up and weigh us down.

Acknowledge stressors instead of denying them—name them and share them. Research shows that accepting mental experiences reduces negative emotional responses to stress (Ford et al., 2018; Shallcross et al., 2010). Accept that some level of good”” stress is inevitable and even desirable for peak performance. Moderate stress can enhance task performance (Crum et al., 2013) and is linked to higher productivity (Yerkes & Dodson, 1908).

As a sales leader, you can’t pass stress onto your team or absorb it all yourself—you have to let it pass through you. You can’t just put pressure on your team when you’re feeling stressed. That’s a common trap leaders fall into. But you also can’t just take it all in and try to shield your people from it. You have to acknowledge the stress, accept that it’s there, and then act on it. That is the key to letting stress pass, right? There’s a stressful meeting coming. Acknowledge it. Okay, well, let’s stress over this. Accept it. The meeting is going to happen. There’s nothing, the meeting’s happening. Act. Doing something that brings you closer to it is the key to all of this.

Act to address root causes, mitigate impacts, and channel stress productively. Let the team see this process modeled in a healthy, transparent way. When you show your team that it’s okay to feel stress and that there are constructive ways to handle it, you build a culture of resilience and openness. This not only helps in managing stress but also fosters a more supportive and understanding team environment.

Conclusion

Shielding teams from all stress is impossible and unhealthy for leaders. The path is to let stress pass through by acknowledging, accepting, and acting on it. This builds resilience, models healthy responses, and aligns the team with reality. An open flow allows stress to be channeled productively instead of getting stuck.

By embracing this approach, you can transform your leadership style and create a more resilient, high-performing team. So, the next time stress comes knocking, don’t try to block it out or take it all on yourself. Let it pass through you, and watch how it changes your leadership for the better.


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Sales Leadership Accelerator

Learn how to boost your sales team, drawing from KD's vast experience as a team member and a sales leader. This newsletter outlines the exact methodology KD used to build multiple sales teams and unicorn companies.

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